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2020 Intention

Moving through Holiday Season by staying in my Heart has not proven the easiest ;) How to stay open in a reality which has been coded in the nervous system as "unsafe"? Well, for me it's been a combo of the old: going into freeze and disconnection and simply pushing through; and the new: noticing I'm in, or moving into freeze, slowing everything way down, breathing into my heart and my belly, giving myself compassion and care, reparenting my inner child by soothing her and assuring I've got her, and then choosing the most authentic action I can muster. I cannot tell you how often I succeeded, but I can say: I don't feel like running. I miss my "home home", I look forward to being in my own apartment, in my own energy, doing things my way. But I can also see and appreciate the gifts of being here: the contrast is one of them. Contrast is a beautiful tool: it allows me to come into more clarity as to what truly works for me and what doesn't, what is nourishing and empowering and what is not, what do I want more of in my life, and what do I want to experience less. I know that a lot of you will hear me when I say: family dynamics are way more complex than a choice between staying in touch or cutting the contact altogether. Recently for m it has been mostly a matter of truly growing up. Meaning: reparenting my inner child so that when I am with my blood family I can operate more from a position of the Healthy Adult, and less from a place of the Wounded Child. After all, I keep realizing over and over again that THIS is the only thing that I actually have control over and can change. In order to do that however, I need to be able to take time to connect to myself as much and as often as possible. Nothing, and I say nothing, of this inner work is possible without self-connection: it’s impossible for me to hear that quiet voice within if I don’t take time to actually listen and educate myself on what language that voice speaks. I’m not fluent, YET! I suppose this post has just allowed me to articulate my 2020 Intention: to become fluent in the language of My Soul-Voice, the language of My Heart, the language of Love. Wishing you all the same! 💖🌟🌿🎊🎆💖

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